Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark...

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. -Benjamin Franklin

Oh how countless the tempting moments I've succumbed to. 'It had to be said,' I thought. They say honesty is the best policy, but in many situations my intentions weren't always that noble. Sometimes it was verbal sparring, other times I had to vent, or make a point, or be witty, or make X understand, many times it was an unintentionally careless or thoughtless word. Once it was out, it was out there, and many a time thereafter, I had to eat my words. Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say, and how true that is, when it comes to our speech.

We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. James 3:2

None but one, have ever lived up to this truly high calling. But I think the purpose of this verse was never to frustrate the reader over how unattainable it is, but to emphasise that in all the ways we stumble, the most common and most detrimental of them all is our speech. Words have a lasting impact, they build or destroy.

Technology avails us the freedom of speech. We can say anything to whoever we want to with barely any accountability. Needless to point out how horribly things can go when this freedom is abused, the damage is more subtle in everyday communication with our loved ones, colleagues and even strangers. I challenge you to take account of everything you say in 24 hours. Consciously or subconsciously, we can be crass, crude, rude, lie, say something we don't mean, break our word, be spiteful or gossip. Sometimes unintentionally. This is our inherent sinful human nature, but thank God it is not our destiny, because God's redemption exists. It takes discipline to think about things before we say them, rather than saying them in the heat of the moment and expecting to be forgiven when we apologise. The wise are proactive in character building, rather than reactive. Which means instead of embracing a "that's just who I am, I say it as it is and don't mince my words" or "I have a short temper and everyone knows it" attitude, we would do well to vigilantly exercise self-control especially when are tempted to give into our emotions. I do not mean repression, I mean restraint. But this takes more than sheer willpower. To be able to actually think before we speak, we need to address the heart of the matter; the heart.

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. -Luke 6:45

Despite behaviour that may show the contrary, most of us regard ourselves and want to be regarded as good people, at the very least, having good intentions. Yet, God holds us to a higher standard that says that there is no point merely controlling what we say or how we say things if it is only a superficial response. Any form of deceit, resentment, rage, jealousy, envy, malice, slander in our hearts will always find a way out. This means that harnessing our efforts to be kind or loving or even polite will be empty and at best, short-lived.

Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognised by its fruit. - Matthew 12:33

Of all the gifts I could do with, the one I am most desperate for is the wisdom to say the right thing at the right time. I think it's something we all need, and should constantly ask for.

A person finds joy in giving an apt reply- and how good is a timely word! - Proverbs 15:23

I'm a big believer in acknowledging and confronting your issues head on, but the heart is one area I believe only God can fix. Because of sin, God has to break you and rebuild you from the inside out. It's a slow, sometimes painstaking process that takes trust and humility but whose results are evident. So how are we transformed? By the renewing of our minds. God enables us to not only be disciplined in thought, word and deed- but to proactively believe the right things, think the right thoughts and then say the right words. We need to meditate on God and his word and thus nurture thoughtful, gentle, sincere, trustworthy, encouraging, complimenting, reassuring, prayerful, loving, truthful hearts which will result in us speaking as such.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. - Philippians 4:8

'Why does any of it matter if we are going to continue to say something wrong occasionally?' You might be wondering. Well, because it is naive, even denial to think that it doesn't.

But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.- Matthew 12:36-37

We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. -James 2:12