The Oscar Pistorius Trial and a tricky little thing called ‘Character.’

Watching Oscar and Reeva’s Whatsapp chat history unravelled on TV today made me cringe. Message after messaged they read. A part of me felt satisfaction because after testimonies that pointed toward his character I thought: 'finally, we have evidence that can’t be disputed: Reeva’s feelings are somewhat out there and we might be able to determine what kind of character Oscar bore while they were together.' Still, a quiet part of me couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He admits to committing the crime and while his motive is yet to be established.. many of his intimate moments, angry outbursts, feelings and all his ‘dirty little secrets’ are now out in the open for everyone to scrutinise and judge. And they will not be forgotten too soon. While Judge Masipa will ultimately decide his fate, most of us already have, from the comfort of our couches. I watch a lot of the Crime Investigation channel; it’s so evocative. Documentaries and books are already being written about Oscar and Reeva and this intriguing tragedy has become media fodder as the world waits to hear just how and why things went awry that fateful Valentine's Day morning. Yet, this case taking place in real time has reiterated how painful death is and that regardless of the outcome, lives have been changed forever. Everyone who is following the riveting proceedings will no doubt have formed opinions as I have, but this post is here to pose questions I’ve had over the past three weeks that will probably linger long after the verdict is issued. 

If you have supposedly been kind and philanthropic all your life and then do one horrible thing.. does that make you altogether evil? 

Is “severe emotional distress” plausible justification for hurting someone, or simply an excuse? What wrongs should be punished, which ones can be forgiven? 

If you regret your actions do you deserve softer retribution? 

Is there room for both mercy and justice in court and in life, or just one? 

Do painful consequences ultimately change a man?

It’s easy to look at Oscar’s story and shake our heads at how a heart-warming hero took such a tragic turn.. or simply yell our disgust and contempt at how anyone could brutally end the life of a beautiful, trusting woman and deny it. Opinions aside, let’s think about our own lives for a moment. If our message history was revealed for the world to peruse would we stand proud or bow our heads at some point too? If our unspoken thoughts could be downloaded and displayed, would we not also seek empathy, justification, mercy? We would surely want a chance to explain.. I know I would at least try to be understood. We are predominantly an impulsive and self-serving generation that believes morality is subjective and that “right” is merely a matter of perspective and while some of us have not killed anyone, we have certainly jogged up and down the despicable scale in our lifetime. We have been selfish, envious, jealous, malicious, intentionally and unintentionally hurting other people. Sometimes no one finds out, other times we get away with an apology, sometimes we pay for it and battle to get back on solid ground. I, to my shame, cannot count the number of times I have upset people with my words, unknowingly caused someone to cry or maybe even broke a heart. Although I cannot undo or erase certain events, I can make it right, by humbling myself and asking for forgiveness and making me right. We can’t always escape the consequences of our actions therefore we must accept them as discipline and meditate through them. Even if I cannot make someone forgive me, what I can resolve is my character. Actions, attitude, beliefs and behaviour form character. It’s not what people think of you; it’s who you are when nobody is watching. Above reputation and money, nurture your innocence because when it exists, it can never be taken away from your core.

While perfection doesn’t exist among an inherently fallen humanity, it shouldn’t stop us from trying to be better and purer. Biologically, people grow and do not stop growing until they die. The way we process information evolves according to our absorption and critique of knowledge, our environmental and societal influence, our significant experiences and most importantly our WILL. Look at yourself, I bet there are situations from years/months ago you would handle differently now if given the chance. But we don’t always get the chance, do we? Fortunately, some wise guy aptly said “Hindsight is always 20/20.” Taking an honest look and admitting you did wrong is the first step to not being the man or woman who is remembered for poor choices. When we refuse to benefit from hindsight, we birth two things: regret and stagnation. Regret is the most hollow, painful emotion I can think of. Stagnation is when you stop growing and stay in the same phase, even when everything/everyone else around you adapts, you do not progress positively. Dishonesty may make us feel better about ourselves but it conceals our true motives, putting ourselves first can help us accomplish a lot but it give us a false sense of confidence, shielding our hearts with individualistic thinking may protect us from vulnerability but it lures us into a false sense of security and leaves us lonely without anyone to understand us (which is what we really want from relationships,) hurting other people may sometimes feel like a necessary evil but it drives us further away from God, giving in to self-destructive habits may provide the release we so desperately need but like all cheap thrills, they never last. Anger, even repressed anger destroys you. Gradually that kind of life, which you think serves you, robs you of the image of the God who created you and turns you into someone you will one day despise. We must keep moving forward and not grow weary or become complacent or even allow ourselves to revel in our weaknesses. The road less travelled but infinitely more rewarding is that of integrity; the man or woman who walks in it is like the wise man who built his house upon a rock. Although truth seems like a myth these days, it is the only thing that will stand at the end of the day. One day all our thoughts, messages and deeds done in the dark (big and small)

will be exposed, and the consequences will be far more long-lasting than life in prison. Only those who have something to sacrifice will gain what is of true value. Only those who strive to cut away the toxicity will find true health. This needs courage, humility and effort but cannot be accomplished alone. Grab hold of Goodness Himself (Jesus) and you will be deemed good enough and cleansed from all impurity when earth as we know it is over. Lean on others and share your burdens and you will find rest and strength.

For anyone who has messed up: there is hope for redemption in Christ. He is the only man who walked this earth purely and did not sin. He sympathises with our weakness and temptations because he too was weak and tempted while he was on earth. Believe in Him and His victory shall become your victory too. Cry out to the Ultimate Judge for forgiveness and he will show you boundless compassion and love. You shall not be judged by your shortcomings unless you are content, unremorseful and unrepentant in them. He may not always take away the consequences of sin, but he promises to restore what sin took away from you. For anyone who has been done wrong or knows someone who has: may this introspection enable you to be as gracious, and forgiving of others’ flaws and faults as you are with your own. “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone”...

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 3:12-14