16 Things Every Woman Should Know How To Say To A Man - By Ruthie Dean
The worst thing a woman can be in a relationship? Silent. But the art
of expressing ourselves in living words, not typed ones proves
increasingly challenging. Here are 16 things I, like many of you, wish I
had learned to say to a man right as I came of age instead of a decade
too late. For the parents out there, I think it's a good idea to talk
through these with your daughter before they start dating. These
scenarios will come, at some point.
16 Things Every Woman Should Know How To Say To A Man
1. Stop. Most of you have been in a sexual situation where you wanted a man to stop. The ability to say 'stop' when you feel uncomfortable starts with the acknowledgement that you don't owe him anything. You get to decide what you do and don't want on the physical side of the relationship and hopefully, Godly wisdom rather than your own "good sense", will guide you.
2. Commit to me. If a lousy, half-commitment or friends-with-benefits scenario isn't what you want (and even if you do, it is not sustainable) then ask him to commit. You are your own worst enemy by allowing him to string you along without any declaration of good intent.
3. I'm going home now. He hasn't earned the right to touch you or have sex with you when you don't want to. Tell him you are going home and don't listen if he begs you to stay. Sometimes you will want it just as bad, but flee. Know how to spot compromising situations and get out. One day you will SO GLAD you did.
4. You hurt my feelings. Don't wait until you have completely lost it to express how you feel. If your guy does something that hurts you, tell him. Little confrontations along the way make for a much healthier relationship based on good communication. We all hurt each other, but we must learn to express our emotions before we hit the boiling point.
5. This is how I feel. We all have junk and it is important to be vulnerable and honest about previous pain in your life. If he has proven himself trustworthy of your heart, then let him in with your emotions.
6. No. He wants you to go home with him. He touches your butt. He makes an inappropriate joke about you in public. As women, we must learn to say 'no' and stand up for ourselves. Don't apologise and don't be silent. Let him know you won't tolerate disrespect on any level.
7. This is what I want. He isn't a mind-reader. Use your words and express your desires.
8. I want to be with you. Learn to say this (sober, please) because after getting to know them, you'll want to say it to a man one day. Step up to the plate and tell him how you feel. If he feels the same way, hopefully he beats you to it but either way, he must show intent and initiate progress.
9. You have what it takes. Chances are the man you love will struggle at one point or another with his identity. Maybe because of a career failure or negative messages he has grown accustomed to hearing and believing. Pride probably won't allow him to show you at first, but look him in his hurting eyes and tell him you believe in him anyway.
10. My __________ is really important to me. (faith, children, career, etc) Don't be a chameleon morphing your desires to suit the man of the moment. Learn to stand up for who you are and what you believe in. Don't apologise for being you. We women will want to bend into so many shapes to accommodate a man and while this may help in some situations, a relationship is never worth compromising the core of who you really are.
11. Please stop contacting me. You shouldn't have to live in fear of the next angry text you'll receive. Tell him upfront not to contact you anymore because you need time to breathe and heal. It is not spiteful to NOT want to be friends with someone who could not respect your time and virtue in the relationship, it is liberating. For whatever reason you decide to go your separate ways, feelings don't disappear or resolve overnight, you need time and space anyway.
12. That behaviour is unacceptable to me. Set standards/expectations for your dating life in the way you expect to be treated, and express them in a kind yet straightforward way. A man worth your time will respect them. Walk away from the one who doesn't.
13. No, I won't send you a picture. If he threatens to break up with you because you won't send him a picture, then he needs a good punch in the face. The right man won't put you in a compromising situation and will not make demands. Delete him and move on.
14. Your love doesn't define me. You are not defined by how many men are lined up outside your door. Define yourself as one radically loved by God and don't let anyone's volatile desires shake your confidence.
15. My life doesn't revolve around you. A 10pm "where are you?" text shouldn't cut it for you. Meeting up with him at the last minute will only reinforce his behaviour and the anxiety pumping through your body awaiting his text is toxic. Tell him to make a plan and that the last minute text just won't work. Anymore, at least.
16. I am worth your words. In a world where proposals, arguments, break-ups and threats are common over text messages and social media; know how to cut off an on-screen conversation and ask to have it face to face. A real man won't hide behind a screen. You are worth his words
and one I personally decided to add, when your efforts in any or all of these have failed:
17. Goodbye. Because you don't just deserve better, you deserve the best.
16 Things Every Woman Should Know How To Say To A Man
1. Stop. Most of you have been in a sexual situation where you wanted a man to stop. The ability to say 'stop' when you feel uncomfortable starts with the acknowledgement that you don't owe him anything. You get to decide what you do and don't want on the physical side of the relationship and hopefully, Godly wisdom rather than your own "good sense", will guide you.
2. Commit to me. If a lousy, half-commitment or friends-with-benefits scenario isn't what you want (and even if you do, it is not sustainable) then ask him to commit. You are your own worst enemy by allowing him to string you along without any declaration of good intent.
3. I'm going home now. He hasn't earned the right to touch you or have sex with you when you don't want to. Tell him you are going home and don't listen if he begs you to stay. Sometimes you will want it just as bad, but flee. Know how to spot compromising situations and get out. One day you will SO GLAD you did.
4. You hurt my feelings. Don't wait until you have completely lost it to express how you feel. If your guy does something that hurts you, tell him. Little confrontations along the way make for a much healthier relationship based on good communication. We all hurt each other, but we must learn to express our emotions before we hit the boiling point.
5. This is how I feel. We all have junk and it is important to be vulnerable and honest about previous pain in your life. If he has proven himself trustworthy of your heart, then let him in with your emotions.
6. No. He wants you to go home with him. He touches your butt. He makes an inappropriate joke about you in public. As women, we must learn to say 'no' and stand up for ourselves. Don't apologise and don't be silent. Let him know you won't tolerate disrespect on any level.
7. This is what I want. He isn't a mind-reader. Use your words and express your desires.
8. I want to be with you. Learn to say this (sober, please) because after getting to know them, you'll want to say it to a man one day. Step up to the plate and tell him how you feel. If he feels the same way, hopefully he beats you to it but either way, he must show intent and initiate progress.
9. You have what it takes. Chances are the man you love will struggle at one point or another with his identity. Maybe because of a career failure or negative messages he has grown accustomed to hearing and believing. Pride probably won't allow him to show you at first, but look him in his hurting eyes and tell him you believe in him anyway.
10. My __________ is really important to me. (faith, children, career, etc) Don't be a chameleon morphing your desires to suit the man of the moment. Learn to stand up for who you are and what you believe in. Don't apologise for being you. We women will want to bend into so many shapes to accommodate a man and while this may help in some situations, a relationship is never worth compromising the core of who you really are.
11. Please stop contacting me. You shouldn't have to live in fear of the next angry text you'll receive. Tell him upfront not to contact you anymore because you need time to breathe and heal. It is not spiteful to NOT want to be friends with someone who could not respect your time and virtue in the relationship, it is liberating. For whatever reason you decide to go your separate ways, feelings don't disappear or resolve overnight, you need time and space anyway.
12. That behaviour is unacceptable to me. Set standards/expectations for your dating life in the way you expect to be treated, and express them in a kind yet straightforward way. A man worth your time will respect them. Walk away from the one who doesn't.
13. No, I won't send you a picture. If he threatens to break up with you because you won't send him a picture, then he needs a good punch in the face. The right man won't put you in a compromising situation and will not make demands. Delete him and move on.
14. Your love doesn't define me. You are not defined by how many men are lined up outside your door. Define yourself as one radically loved by God and don't let anyone's volatile desires shake your confidence.
15. My life doesn't revolve around you. A 10pm "where are you?" text shouldn't cut it for you. Meeting up with him at the last minute will only reinforce his behaviour and the anxiety pumping through your body awaiting his text is toxic. Tell him to make a plan and that the last minute text just won't work. Anymore, at least.
16. I am worth your words. In a world where proposals, arguments, break-ups and threats are common over text messages and social media; know how to cut off an on-screen conversation and ask to have it face to face. A real man won't hide behind a screen. You are worth his words
and one I personally decided to add, when your efforts in any or all of these have failed:
17. Goodbye. Because you don't just deserve better, you deserve the best.
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